


where beauty softens grief (i hope i'll be able)

by possibilist



Series: hard rain [2]
Category: The Bold Type
Genre: F/F, this was also posted on tumblr kat is fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-06 23:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15206249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/possibilist/pseuds/possibilist
Summary: ok so this is part ii of the tumblr prompt where kat gets hurt & this is adenas pov so heyo:'she sighs. ‘you know what?’kat stands and offers her hand. it’s a gesture so confident and so kat that you fall in love with her all over again.‘this is so stupid,’ she says. ‘we are going to take the 4 from spring street and we are going to be there on time and jane and sutton have cans of sparkling rose that i’m going to drink and i’m going to buy you ice cream and kiss you.’'





	where beauty softens grief (i hope i'll be able)

**Author's Note:**

> imma use this little bitch again by my girl anne carson as many times as i can for kadena but here
> 
> pylades: i'll take care of you.  
> orestes: it's rotten work.  
> pylades: not to me. not if it's you.

[ok lots of ppl asked for this including olivia who said on a 0 to infinity angst scale to make it “infinity +1” so blame urselves blame them jus dont be mad @ me // for context if u havent read it heres [the first part](http://possibilistfanfiction.tumblr.com/post/175481534136/something-angsty-but-cute-at-the-end-what-does)]

//

kat has taken lyfts since the bombing, everywhere, and you didn’t think too much of it because she had crutches and a cast covering her leg so it’s the easiest, best option.

but she also hasn’t been sleeping well, you’ve noticed. you’d written it off at first as discomfort and soreness, because she was stubborn about her pain medication and could only lie on her back—but now your girlfriend is still getting up every night for hours, sitting on the couch and scrolling through her phone, watching tv on her laptop in the middle of the night. she got her cast off three days ago and walks with a little bit of a limp but that will go away, the doctors said, with physical therapy.

during the day kat is bright and funny and so smart, just like always, and has said multiple times that she doesn’t remember anything about the explosion, or being taken to the hospital, refuses to talk to anyone about it; but when she thinks you’re asleep at two in the morning and hefts herself out of bed as quietly as possible, dark circles under her eyes—you know.

tonight she jolts awake next to you with a catch of breath and slips out from under the sheets, gets herself a glass of water and curls up on the couch. you’ve given her space but she hasn’t gotten better and so you get out of bed too. she looks a little confused when she notices you’re awake but you go over to her and sit down. you don’t touch her until she reaches out to you and then you lean into her side. she wraps an arm around your shoulders.

‘i didn’t mean to wake you,’ she whispers.

‘it’s okay.’

she sighs. you wait for her to talk on her own, because you think she already knows your questions. ‘i’ve been having nightmares.’

you hum in acknowledgement but let the quiet settle; she sniffles once.

‘i don’t remember, not really. i wasn’t lying.’

‘i know,’ you say, kiss her shoulder.

‘it’s fine until i have a dream about it, but i don’t know what actually happened or what i’m imagining or if it was—’ she swallows, shakes her head. ‘i don’t know.’

you back up so you can look at her fully. ‘kat,’ you say, ‘this was a trauma, something terrible that happened to you. no one expects you to be okay all the time.’

she nods, looks at her hands and then back up at you. ‘i can’t take the subway.’

she admits it like she’s guilty and you have dealt with hatred your entire life, wherever you go, but you haven’t felt anger like  _this_  ever before.

but she needs you to be calm, right now, and you’re in love with her and she was almost taken from you, so you stand and tangle your fingers and lead her back to bed.

‘you will get better,’ you say, like a promise, and lie down with her. you fit your body around hers, shielding her, protecting her, and put your hand underneath her sleep shirt. you trace the scar there, that runs along her abdomen, and your stomach swoops and your heart pounds with fury, with sorrow, that this happened to her. but: ‘you are here with me, kat.’ you press a kiss to the back of her neck, put the palm of your hand against the scar on her hip from where surgeons had put a rod in her broken femur; you have touched them both before, many times, and neither of you care about them aesthetically—but they matter.

you hold her gently, fiercely, and you promise: ‘you are here and you are safe.’

//

you’re getting ready to go to meet jane and sutton at the brooklyn heights promenade to celebrate kat not having to use crutches anymore—and you think it’s an excuse to make her walk more, because she whines about physical therapy constantly—and you’re going to let her take a lyft because you don’t want to push her but then there’s an accident on the brooklyn bridge.

‘it’s going to take an  _hour_  to get there,’ she says, holding up her phone.

prince street is still closed, but you could take the 4 from spring street to burough hall and walk to the promenade easily, and you both know that, but you don’t suggest it.

‘sutton and jane will understand if we’re late.’ you scratch the back of her neck with a reassuring smile and if you stayed away of places where people have harassed or insulted or hurt you there would not be much of the world left—but you know brains aren’t simple and what happened to kat is horrifying.

she sighs. ‘you know what?’

kat stands and offers her hand. it’s a gesture so confident and so  _kat_  that you fall in love with her all over again.

‘this is so stupid,’ she says. ‘we are going to take the 4 from spring street and we are going to be there on time and jane and sutton have cans of sparkling rose that i’m going to drink and i’m going to buy you ice cream and kiss you.’

‘well,’ you say, grinning into the kiss you give her, ‘that sounds like a great plan.’

she smiles and you’re a little dazzled. ‘yeah it does, doesn’t it?’

//

you’re on the platform waiting and her hands are trembling and she’s holding yours tight; you ramble on, telling her about your latest gallery installation and you know she’s trying to keep it together so you don’t mind that she’s not paying attention at all.

it’s hot but she’s  _really_ sweating and she’s rubbing her hip so you wrap your arm around her waist and kiss her shoulder and she leans into you with a sigh.

you’re about to offer the option to just take a lyft anyway because you don’t want her to give up but you don’t want her to have a panic attack even more, but then there’s a rush of cooler air and the 4 train starts to come into view from the tunnel.

kat lets out the most relieved breath you’ve ever heard and smiles at you, kisses the top of your hijab. ‘thank you,’ she says, softly, and you nod.

‘i love you.’

she smiles, walks toward the open doors of the train and you both get on, sit together because it isn’t overly crowded, put your hand on her thigh and she puts her arm around your shoulders.

‘i love you too.’

she practically runs out of borough hall and you hurry after her with a laugh you let out despite yourself, and she huffs but she’s trying not to laugh too.

you lace your fingers together and kat’s limp is mostly unnoticeable during the walk to meet jane and sutton at pier 3. they look up from where they’re lounging on the lawn with smiles when they see you both.

‘we thought you’d be late for sure,’ jane says, offering kat a can of sparkling rose and you a san pelligrino with a smile.

‘nah,’ kat says, hefting sutton to her feet. ‘the 4 was running without any delays.’

sutton and jane look like they’re literally about to cheer or cry or both, and you wink at them, grinning yourself. kat doesn’t say anything else on the topic but you know it’s big, know it’s hugely important.

you hold kat’s hand and she laughs freely at a joke sutton says and you walk along the greenway and kat does buy you ice cream from ample hills and kisses you with chocolate and rose on her lips until sutton throws a napkin at you while jane boos.

kat laughs and you watch the sun set over the city, glimmering in the distance. kat gets tired, you can tell, her limp becoming more apparent, and so can sutton and jane, so you all hug and they head off in the direction of a bar nearby but kat’s ready to go home, even if she won’t admit it.

you order a lyft because the bridge is clear now and she doesn’t suggest the train, and you watch the relief play out along her features when you get the notification that there’s a car two minutes away. you don’t push anything and you rest your head on her shoulder in the back of the car while kat makes friendly conversation with your driver; there will be plenty of time for more subways.

you get ready for bed quietly, in the rhythm that has started to feel so natural you don’t remember what it felt like to be without it. you’re reading in bed when kat comes in from the bathroom, her hair tied up in a new silk bandana that almost matches her sleep shorts, which makes you smile because it’s just really cute.

she furrows her brow and climbs under the duvet, though, and you put aside your book and kiss her.

‘you’re so cute.’

kat backs up and frowns. ‘i’m sexy and beautiful and hot as hell but i am not  _cute_.’

‘you’re cute, my love.’

kat huffs and turns around in bed and you laugh and tickle her until she kisses you again, smiling and messy.

you settle down and she turns off the light, and you whisper i love you in persian. she holds your hand against her chest while you spoon her and you fight off the tiredness you feel until her breathing has evened out, her face peaceful.

you wake to the light coming through the windows the next morning and kat is still fast asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> come 2 possibilistfanfiction on tumblr for a few more fics & so many dumb reblogs : )


End file.
